Wednesday, October 23, 2013

CJP and The Time Machine

     This is a story about a normal guy, caught up in an extraordinary series of events.  This normal guy, let's say, is in his early 40s, married father of two, and well-liked by all.  Well, almost all.  The hero of our story was on a mission to procure a USA Today newspaper for his mother-in-law.  I'm sure many of you have been in this type of situation before or at least something similiar. This normal guy was "Rockin" in his wife's Toyota Prius while on this fantastic voyage.  The music was provided by Bon Jovi- and this is where normalcy ceases to exist.  Our hero was bellowing the line, "I'll be the water when you get thirsty baby!  When you get drunk, I'll be the wine!!" from the 1988 monster hit I'll be There for You.  Then whether it was a combination of stress from the task of locating this elusive paper, and a desire to escape this mundane existence, something magical happened.  The Prius became a time machine.  Yep, you heard that right.  Straight out of Marty McFly and "Doc" Brown's playbook, although our story has a Toyota instead of a DeLorean.  All of a sudden we're in 1988!  Stuff is about to get real!
     All of a sudden the Prius was transformed into a 1985 Mustang LX blue in color, with some sweet white letter Grand Am Radial GT tires and some chrome modular mag wheels!  Now, I know that most folks think I would fit in an old beat up Chevy Chevelle as a vehicle, the Mustang was my vehicle of choice in my formative years.  Instantly, the treble box which was the radio in the Prius was replaced with 2- 15 inch sub woofers and an Alpine powered stereo system that would make your brain rattle!  Cause after all, "We like the cars...the cars that go BOOM!"  Consequently, due to this time transformation the clothes and appearance began to change.  Hair grows long in the back, and cropped nicely on the sides and front.  "Business in the front, party in the back!"  Stonewashed or was it Acid-washed, Levi's appear.  Funny looking 80s boots (cross between a pirate and a musketeer) are worn outside of the jeans.  Then of course, the purple shirt with wierd paisley shapes and some that look like Vincent Van Gogh had designed the apparel.  Suddenly we've got the 80s ride, clothes, hairstyle, and music!!  For the love of Prince and the Revolution!  What is going on here?
     The car was suddenly filled with the music of INXS (I need you tonight), then The Flame by Cheap Trick.  I changed the station when Debbie Gibson came on.  I switched from 95 Rock to Kicks 106 (Folks in Birmingham will remember that)- I ran across some Def Leppard, Aerosmith, and even The Bangles version of "Hazy Shade of Winter."  It was at this point that I realized that I was outside of the old BAMA 6 in good ole Center Point, Alabama.  This was a destination for cruising par excellance, back in the day.  The Posse was always on the Parkway!! (Center Point Park Way that is)-  I looked up at the marquee, and Beetlejuice, Rain Man, Coming to America, A Fish Called Wanda, and Rambo III were available for your viewing pleasure.  You could get in for about 4 bucks too!  Things were looking up for this Long Haired Country Boy, and his 80s Revivial!  I noticed the fashion choices on the sidewalk outside consisted of some "REALLY" Big Hair, Puffy Pirate Looking Shirts, Rolled up "Tight Roll" Jeans with Boat Shoes, Z Cavaricci's, and MC Hammer Pants.  Just to name a few.  
     With all this 80s Awesomeness overwhelming Our Hero- He Began to Speak as if possessed by the Enlightenment of the 1980s, or lack thereof, depending on which way the wind blew!

Last Night I dreamed I went back to the 80s, Oh What a beautiful sight!
Ronald Reagan came up to me, and said "Well Chris, who do you want to see", and I began to think.
I said why don't you call up ole Jon Bon Jovi, and see if he's free, cause ole Jon was rockin the hair back in the day, and he could play Livin on a Prayer like a Boss I'd have to say....Oh Yea!!!
While I was in the 80s, I saw Madonna, Tony Danza, and Axl Rose too, and I even saw Tom Cruise back when he was cool!
Then out of nowhere came this long skinny arm, connected to an alien with his big eyes on me!
Suddenly I realized that I was looking at E.T.!
E.T. said, "What Brings you Here?" So I began to think,  I said, "E.T. you've seen it all.  You've seen the 80s rise, and you've seen the 80s fall."  Tell me why it is sir, that I like to reminisce.  Why is it that I still like Prince!
Then I began to tremble and I began to shake, I knew I was dreaming, but I couldn't get awake.  I cried out, "Holy Parachute Pants Batman," then as soon as it began it was over.

     The Radio was playing when I woke up in the Prius, and it sure wasn't Bon Jovi.  It was one of them new fangled pop songs by Kanye Kardahian, ( I ain't saying she's a gold-digger)  I was parked directly in front of a USA Today paper machine, and I realized that I was back in the year 2013.  Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.  The box was out of papers, though.  Bugger.