Thursday, October 3, 2013

The Clan of the PerryDawg

     I'm a simple man that has discovered through trial and error what exactly is of worth in this world.  What it boils down to is Family.  Blood is thicker than water, but trust me when I say this, "You don't have to be blood kin to be family."  That's a fact.  My tribe is second to none.  I've got the good Doctor, Cheryl, who saved me from my "Desperado" days of my 20s and made an honest man out of me.  My first born, the boy who would be king....Jesse, my main dawg and hero extraordinaire, and who shows me every day what real heart, determination, hard work, and just plain smarts can do for you.  Then there's the "Apple of my Eye," Miss Maddie the princess of our clan.  Maddie is truly one of a kind, and we are certainly blessed by her presence in our lives.  As a tribute to these amazing human beings that I call "la familia Perry."  I've got a humorous story about each of them.  These are stories that have never been told before, and you're hearing them here for the first time!  By the way, I'm one lucky guy to be sure, to have all these amazing folks in my life.  Somebody up there must like me!
     My lovely wife is quite an amazing woman, and she has accomplished many great things in her life.  At the top of that list would have to be landing such a fine man as myself....Wait, that's not on her list.  Sorry.  She's very accomplished and well thought of, by all.  Cheryl received her PhD in something or another, I can never really remember- I like to say in "Sainthood," because she's put up with my kind of crazy for 16 years.  She graduated the day before our wedding, and they say I don't know what I'm doing.  Heck, I married a Doctor, and she was official the day we were married.  These days she is the Deputy Director of the Center for Clinical and Translational Science.  I don't know.  Don't ask.  However, her success has been what has allowed me to make the whole Uber Dad turn and pursue a "Dream of History" at UAB, and I am forever in her debt.  Recently, we had an occasion to eat lunch at our favorite restaurant, Taj India.  She told me a story that almost made me choke on my Gulab Jamun, and I love me some Gulab Jamun.  Undoubtedly, Cheryl was working on some type of research that involved mice.  Cheryl is an awesome writer and she does quite a bit of the write ups for this research stuff.  She began to tell me the story of her "Transgenic Mouse."  Again, Please Don't Ask.  First, she had to clear up that she was actually speaking of a real "squeak-squeak" mouse and not the computer variety, because I was confused.  It's rare, but it does happen.  While she was writing up the report on the "Transgenic Mouse" there was a type-O on the report and the "Transgenic Mouse" became a "Transgender Mouse."  The fun and hijinks began from there.  The Shemale mouse was quite the center of attention at the ole Center for Clinical and Translational Science.  Cheryl, being the expert she is, caught the mistake very quickly.  Thank Goodness.  I could only imagine what would have happened if this mouse was released to the scientific world.  The response would have been, "What kind of research are you people doing down there in Alabama?"  Cheryl corrected the mistake, and the "Transgender Mouse" was deleted from memory. 
     Jesse has some confidence about himself.  He's been quoted as saying, "There's no I in team, but there's a me in Awesome."  Now don't get me wrong he is a very humble young man with awesome character traits.  I've raised him to work to get ahead and to earn his way.  I've coached Jesse in every sport he's played, and I've always made him earn his spot.  I've always figured that I'm not doing him any favors giving him a place he didn't earn.  That's another sermon for another time.  However, as tough a customer as young J-Jam Sixkiller is, he is extremely afraid of bees, wasps, and hornets.  If one of those demon red wasps gets in the house Jesse flips his lid.  All I hear is, "Dad!  Dad!  Dad! Come Quick!"- and upon answering his distress call I find him hiding behind the locked bathroom door.  I then have to hunt down and kill said wasp before Jesse will return from his bathroom safe haven.  This past summer I attempted to teach Jesse how to cut grass.  I told him, "When you grow up and have a family of your own, unless you live in the Desert, you're gonna have to cut grass."  Plus, I've been waiting for years to turn these duties over to him.  Like my father before me.  It's the circle of life or the circle of landscaping.  During this teaching process, I left Jesse alone for a second to "Go see a man about a horse."  When I returned I saw an unmanned lawnmower and no Jesse.  I thought to myself, "I was only gone a minute, there's no way the lawnmower ate him!"  Another moment or so passed and Jesse flew across the yard like a shot.  The boy was blessed with God-given speed let me tell you.  You can't coach speed.  It took a minute, but I was able to see what had brought out "Lightning" Jesse the Flash.  A mean faced bumble bee was directly behind him, and gaining fast.  I'm not sure if this bee was really chasing Jesse or if he was just late for some bee business.  It sure looked like the bee wanted to get Jesse.  This went on for a few minutes until Jesse went by me like lightning, and ran in the house.  The bee paused for a moment, and flew away.  Well, there goes my grass cutter.  Well young buck, there may be a "Me" in awesome, but there surely is a "Bee" chasing your awesome butt all around the yard.
      Madison Leigh Perry AKA "The Diabolical Dr. Up" AKA "Mad Dog Maddie Meanness" AKA "Princess Madino"- I could go on and on.  She's almost got as many nicknames as Jesse.  I got the nickname gene honest, from my father (See The Legend Of Lopez blog post).  Recently, Maddie punched me in the throat.  Accidentally mind you, but she punched me in the throat.....Hard!  Really Hard!  This led to an unfortunate series of events that had yours truly falling over a chair while holding 3 books, a cot-mat, a backpack full of College level textbooks, and a Dora Blanket.  This was an unprecedented fall.  A fall of epic proportions.  As I laid on the living room floor looking at the ceiling with a Dora Blanket covering my broken down body, I thought, "Well, it doesn't get any better than this, huh?"  Maddie walked over to me and said, "Daddy, quit messing around!  We've got stuff to do!"  I was able to get my crumpled up body to move and rise to my feet, and I kept moving forward.  You have to keep moving forward.  That's my motto!  Even if a 4 year old punches you in the throat- You Gotta Keep Moving!  I love my sweet Maddie, and let me tell you....She packs one mean punch!
     Well, that's a quick reflection of my beloved family!  The Clan of the PerryDawg.  We Rock.  This bunch turned me into the happiest and luckiest guy in the world.  They've inspired me to become the man I am today, and given me the soul of a poet.  I can literally find the beauty in any situation these days, and I am thankful for that.  Really thankful.  I just hope one day that I can repay each and every one of them for all they have done for me.  It's a tall order, but I plan to spend the rest of my life giving it my best shot.  As long as I'm breathing I'll be thankful for all I've got!